It is absolutely possible to control one’s ejaculation in order to last longer in bed.
You can have this control.
In this post, Dr. Marlon Mattedi, a psychologist and sexual therapist, talks about 8 behaviors that will help you in your goal of controlling ejaculation, as well as shatter some myths on the subject.
He who has never had any ejaculation problems, never not lasted as long he would have liked or even, never takes too long to orgasm, let him cast the first stone. The amount of time one takes to orgasm differs among men.
All and any sexually active male has experienced one or all of the above at some time or other.
The thing is, that is the exact trend: “Men often worry they will orgasm too quickly, whereas women worry they will not orgasm at all.” That is where the incompatibility issues arise.
We men want ways to delay our orgasm and women want techniques that will ensure theirs. Interesting, isn’t it?
Here are some tips that will help you in bed with the objective of making you last longer.
Number One: Quickness is Relative
If you come in five minutes and it takes your partner ten minutes to do the same, to them you came too quickly.
However, if you are with someone who comes in three minutes, and you take the usual five, to them you did not come too early, because you still had two minutes left.
In other words, one person will see you as a premature ejaculator and the other will not.
This is why, it is of far more importance to be in sync with the woman, and coming within short intervals of each other would be a good idea.
So in order to achieve this, here are some tips to help you last longer, however one must always remember the importance of foreplay.
You holding on a little bit longer, and her getting turned on a little bit further, will usually result in her coming a few minutes earlier, it is where you two will meet.
Both of you will achieve orgasm around the same time.
Number Two: Forget everything you have seen in porn
Nothing of what you see in porn and wish to copy is real.
The actors that last forty minutes straight already have a predisposition to do so (which in some cases, can be considered some form of sexual dysfunction), or they are on some particular type of drug which prevents them from ejaculating.
Another thing to keep in mind is that, many of the middle-aged actors in porn already have their sex lives compromised, some suffer from erectile dysfunction and some even suffer from prostate cancer.
Everything about the performance in porn films is forced.
But if you want to last longer in bed without harming your body, here are some tips.
1) Practice out of bed
If you want to be good in bed and avoid premature ejaculation issues, train constantly out of bed.
Start working on it today, whenever you can, using slow strokes, and the key is to go slow, and doing it regularly, you may see signs of improved performance after a 4 to 5 week training period.
Ascertaining a fixed time period is difficult as the evolution varies from person to person, however 4 to 5 weeks is a good average.
As you start gaining confidence in your training, the strokes can be slightly quicker, yet take care not to speed up too quickly.
When you start feeling more confident apply some lubricant gel in order to further simulate penetration and train increasing the stimulus time, always out of bed whenever you are not engaging in sexual activity.
In order to perform well come game time, one must train constantly off the field.
2) Exercise the PC muscle
This muscle is just like any other in our body, however as it is a part of the sexual process, few people tell us how to exercise it.
Working any muscle will make it stronger, yet this is one that is often ignored.
A properly exercised PC Muscle works like the handbrake in a car. You can use it in an emergency.
Contracting this muscle when you feel an orgasm coming on will keep you from ejaculating, but training is necessary in order to use it whenever you desire.
You can exercise this muscle by contracting and relaxing it.
Do this in 3 sets of 10 reps with a 1 minute break between sets, doing this once a day (do not overdo this as it may fatigue the muscle which can lead to injury).
Doing these sets, even once a day, will strengthen the PC muscle, so you may use it during sex to prevent ejaculation.
If you are still confused after this explanation, you can consult a professional (Sexual Therapist) Sexuality Expert or an Urogynecological Physiotherapist.
Any of these will go over the details of this exercise.
3) Avoid Negative Thoughts
Several articles will often tell you to think of tragic images or situations, such as accidents, tragedies or any other unstimulating scene. I will tell you: Avoid doing this.
Those who recommend such activity do not understand how sexuality works.
If you often think of such images and scenes (in Sexology we call these aversive stimuli), you might be inducing your brain to reduce stimuli brought on by ejaculating, consequently however you will be opening the door to another problem: Erectile Dysfunction.
Repeated behaviors like these teach your brain to shut off during moments of pleasure.
What does this mean in the long run? Even if you are in the mood, the brain can keep from experiencing pleasure, even if you do not want it to.
There is a high possibility of sexual dysfunction and this is the second reason you should avoid doing this frequently.
4) Pick a Less Exciting Position
When engaging in sex, always prefer positions that reduce your stimuli. Avoid those positions that excite you too much.
Doggy-style or those that have her on her stomach and you on top tend to be the most stimulating for men, for the most part.
If these are your favorite positions, switch to something more traditional like the missionary position, woman on top or even standing facing each other, only if these are not in your top 10, of course.
If anything stick to less stimulating positions at the beginning. Only move to the most exciting ones in the final seconds.
5) Wear a Condom
For most men, the use of a condom helps prevent early ejaculation. If you feel like this would work for you, then use any ordinary condom, or even those that are designed to delay ejaculation.
These are not the only useful tools to help you maintain control, however allied with the other methods you have read, they can prove beneficial.
6) Turn her on
I repeat, women usually take longer to orgasm if they are not properly stimulated, or if they don’t know how to stimulate themselves.
There may be times when you will indeed orgasm too soon, but there will also be times when it is the woman that takes a long time to climax.
So dedicate some extra time to ensure she is stimulated properly (in order to turn her on even further you may use the techniques described in the e-book: How to induce female orgasms) and only when she is fully stimulated will you then proceed with the penetration.
Try that and you will see your sex life change.
Buy on Amazon.com: Female Orgasms – What you were never told | E-book by Marlon Mattedi, brazilian sexologist.
7) Avoid medication
As there is no existing medication designed to exclusively treat ejaculation issues, people often employ the use of anti-depressants which are ineffective in most cases, as they were designed to treat depression not ejaculation issues.
Sometimes medical professionals will prescribe these to patients suffering from ejaculation issues with the intent of delaying it, however, they will usually prove to be ineffective.
8) Train constantly
This is another of the important steps you need to take. Always train out of bed to improve your performance in it.
The key is a slow form of masturbation; another is to learn to properly stimulate the woman in order to turn her on quicker. Also keep in mind the other pointers you have read here.
If you still do not notice an improved performance, you may talk to a Sexologist in order to find out what else may be causing the problem.
Wishing you good sex and good experiences filled with pleasure for both you and your partner.
Read also:
- 3 Tips to turn a girl on
- How to Stop Masturbating: 8 Tips to Break a Masturbation Addiction
- 11 tips from Sexologists that will help you reach orgasm
Sources:
- Gokce, A., & Ekmekcioglu, O. (2010, June). Insight on pathogenesis of lifelong premature ejaculation: inverse relationship between lifelong premature ejaculation and obesity. International Journal of Impotence Research, 22, 251-254
nature.com/ijir/journal/v22/n4/abs/ijir201011a.html - Mayo Clinic Staff. (2014, June) Premature ejaculation: Definition
mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-ejaculation/basics/definition/con-20031160 - Namavar, M., & Robati, B. (2011, May) Removal of foreskin remnants in circumcised adults for treatment of premature ejaculation. Urology Annals, 3(2): 87-92
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3130485/ - Wein, A., Kavoussi, L., Novick, A., Partin, A., & Peters, C. (2012). Campbell-Walsh Urology. Saunders-Elsevier. Philadelphia, PA
books.google.com/books?id=W1aeyJD46kIC&pg=PA773-IA1&lpg=PA773-IA1&dq=2+to+7+minutes+%28Patrick+et+al.,+2005%29&source=bl&ots=Ptf27aQmI9&sig=Kgz7tnhY5kMsGq_qdrWHbT1cTp4&hl=en&sa=X&ei=bbZEVfLcLIejgwT_s4CIAg&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q=2%20to%207%20minutes%20(Patrick%20et%20al.%2C%202005)&f=false
