I can’t orgasm! This sentence, accompanied by a facial expression of sadness, is more common than what you might think – Studies suggest orgasmic dysfunction affects 11 to 41 percent of women!
What is ironic is that all women are able to climax in their sexual relations. So why are there women who do not achieve orgasm?
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Before anything else, it is important to explain what orgasm is.
When we reach a peak of sexual arousal, a great feeling of pleasure takes over, creating involuntary contractions in muscles around the vagina (pelvic floor) and uterus.
This event lasts only a few seconds, and then the body relaxes. The feeling is of well-being and satisfaction, and the woman usually wants to repeat it in other moments.
Why does a woman not achieve orgasm?
To reach an orgasm, firstly the woman should feel pleasure in the sexual relation – the orgasm is the peak of pleasure, remember?
Before that, the woman must be aroused. It is a lot easier for a woman to feel aroused when she has sexual desire sexual and is present.
Also, the woman must know her own body and the areas that give her more pleasure (erogenous areas) so she can guide her partner during the sexual act, increasing sexual pleasure.
With this in mind, you should already be able to imagine some of the causes for the absence of orgasm:
- Low libido – decreased interest in partner or in the sexual relation itself;
- Changes in sexual arousal – pain during sex or poor vaginal lubrication may disturb sexual pleasure and orgasm;
- Lack of pleasure in sexual relations – when a woman is having sex or touching herself and there is no sense of pleasure;
- Lack of presence – many times the woman is living an intimate moment but thinking about something else;
- Expectations in relation to orgasm – The orgasm is overly expected, and for this reason it just does not happen: by thinking about it, the woman forgets the pleasure and does not surrender to the moment. So the orgasm does not come;
- Lack of body awareness – when the woman is unaware of her erogenous zones, the partner has to “discover” them alone. This takes a long time, which prevents the sexual act from evolving to orgasm;
- Insecurity – many women are insecure about their bodies, feelings and even their relationships. So the woman cannot be fully present in the moment.
Tips for having an orgasm
1) Surrender
If you are unable to climax, the main tip is to surrender. You should be concentrating only on the sexual act, and nothing else.
Relax your body and enjoy each moment as if you were tasting a delicious meal or a good drink.
2) Know your body
Know your body so you can guide your partner to the areas where you feel the most pleasure. It is your body, you must master and know it.
3) Take care of your health
Keep your intimate health in check: if you feel any pain or discomfort during intercourse, it will be more difficult to have an orgasm.
If this is the case, seek the help of a gynecologist to check for possible inflammations or infections, and a pelvic physiotherapist to assess the muscles of the pelvic floor.
4) Lubrication
Poor lubrication should also be investigated, but is easily resolved with a good intimate lubricant.
5) Self-confidence
Be confident about yourself! If your partner is having sex with you, it is because he wants you.
There should be no room for derogatory thoughts about your body. As a matter of fact, take care of your self-esteem. Value yourself!
6) Libido
If lack of libido is something that bothers you, look for an expert in human sexuality.
Sometimes the lack of libido can also be connected to depression – seek a psychologist in this case.
Remember: all women should be able to orgasm during their sexual relations.
But don’t focus only on orgasms: enjoy the moment and feel the pleasure that comes with it.
Sex must always be pleasurable!
Buy on Amazon.com: Female Orgasms – What you were never told | E-book by Marlon Mattedi, brazilian sexologist.
Sources:
- Mayo Clinic Staff. (2015). Anorgasmia in women: Symptoms and causes.
https://mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anorgasmia/symptoms-causes/syc-20369422 - Sex 101: Orgasm. (n.d.).
https://brown.edu/campus-life/health/services/promotion/sexual-health-sex-101/orgasm
